He's just not that in you.. AGAIN

How i became a dumbass all over again.

I wanted to be him, till death to us part. We fought practically everyday. Honestly, i can't really remember the good times. I can only remember the tears, the fights and the tears again..
Then again,i knew i was happy before and because i was very in love with him.

See, the weird thing is that relationship was so confusing that i don't even know how to put them in words. There were breakups in between here and there, a lot i must emphasize. I think i can get this side of my story on.. Read on.

I did him wrong. I dated some other guy and hell broke through. I was the cheap bitch because ego got in the way. I was well-hated by his family. But then, things went back to the same but never the same with his dad.

The hell i went through, whenever we fought. The vulgarities, the shouting, the pushing and the ignoring and of course, its always me going down to his place whenever we had a fight the night before. There were times i had to wait till late afternoon for him to get up from bed. Why? He was gaming or out late with his mates. I had nothing to eat since morning i got there.

The time he threw me out of his house was also the time he pushed me to the wall and the struggling and all the drama. I walked out ,while he took the lead, and didn't know where else to go. I sat on the stairs outside and wondered what the hell i did wrong?

My male now-ex-colleague merely texted me to see when i'm free for KBOX. So that guy was after me at that point of time but he was just a friend to me.
So i went off and took a walk downstairs before deciding to take a cab home. I gave him enough time to look for me. He did but i was gone.

I forgave again. He gave all reasons that he couldn't trust me etc. I cooked for his family. I folded his clothes. I cleaned his room. I mop the floors. I spent all my time with him, rather than my friends and family. What did i do wrong?
I refused to wash his underwear.

That is hilarious. I know but it was just a stupid fight because his previous girl was willing to and i wasn't. So i didn't love him more than she did, was his conclusion.

Maybe we were too young. He was the spoilt one in the family. I was the stubborn one in the family. He is Tiger. I am Dragon. The one similarity between the two of us was the temper.

Then again, he started hanging out with his ex at a period of time when we broke up if i'm not wrong. He knew i would go crazy. Did i? i think i did. So all the drama started again. He gave his reasons. No there was nothing, he was just picking her up from the club because she was drunk.

And things were back to square one.

THE LAST BREAK UP

I remember clearly, 2nd January 2007,he broke up with me. 2 days before my birthday. Why? I have no idea to this date. He told me before but the reason was apparently so not true that i forgot.

Then 2008, came the worst hell ever. I broke up with the guy of my mom's dream as a husband for me because i realised he was never gone. Then i got to see the true nasty colour of the one i dumped. That was a relief but the hell was much worst. Forget bout the one i dump. This story is about him.

So his mom asked me one day, during lunch, what happened to us? I couldn't find the words then i said we fought too much. His mom said to him when i wasn't around, she saw tears in my eyes.
I was'nt crying during lunch. Were my eyes this sad?


So i didn't care if he was still dating the one he was after we broke up on the January. I was far too blind and ignorant. He told me there were problems between them. Some cases of her ex gf. He didn't want to go back to her. He lied and i believed.

He was the one who wanted best of two worlds. I was the day. She was the night. So one morning 8 plus am, he called me: " I just had an accident". My reply: " Where at?"..His reply: " Tampines."..My first thought was so you were at her place. My next reply was : Why are you at tampines? So i called him a couple of times after that. But he didn't pick up. So i called his mom and asked how was he. His mom didn't dare mention her presence.

He said his family adores me. But i was nothing to him,or maybe just half of something to him.
Was he waiting to see which one of the two could prove to be more worthy to be with?
What about him being worthy to be with either one of us? Back to the accident.

So i was the one in the wrong again. What did i do wrong?
I didn't care if he was injured, from the reply i gave.
His sister sent me the pic of the damaged car. Both airbags were out. Both front doors were opened. So it wasn't just him.

I didn't care. I had enough. It was the fucking last straw. As much as i wanted to be with him, i knew i couldnt because of what i've done to the one i broke up with. But this making use and taken for granted were too much. I wasn't asking for a status. I merely wanted a respect as a girl. The tearful days and nights i went through, no one can ever imagine.

Then i had to go to the Zoo because i promised his god-sister. He knew i love her dearly. So we did and i kept my distant. He made use of her to get me to stick around. I bought her food and i bought her toys. Then i had to go because i have to meet precious. We struggled in the car. All the drama mama again. This time i was persistant. He knew i'm fading away from him. The hurt was too much to stay with. I had to go because i knew that this will never end. He's indecisive.

What i hated was, i went through hell. I got discriminated because i was still in love with him.
Yet the ex-maybe-not-very-ex-still was going back and forth to him and her ex. He was going back and forth to her and me. What about me? I was left hanging in the air and being stabbed at the back.

He texted and called occassionally.
Like the recent MMS of a facial he had. I didn't activate MMS for my card so i had to view it online. Who was i to know? The pic of his face with the mask was sent to two numbers. One was mine and you can guess who's the other.
So i texted him if he knew viewing mms online allows all recievers to know who else had it.
He didn't and "hoped it didn't hurt you. I'm sorry".
No. I didn't feel the a pinch of hurt. I feel that i was taken as a joke still !

Maybe she didn't know. Maybe she did. But who was to blame?
It was my karma right from the start.

He's just not that into me.

the funny thing was... your hp was always on silent mode..

My mom's looking high and low for the belt i bought for her from the bangkok trip.
*BAH* Stop reminding me of bkk. I wanna go again. =(