Why?

I do feel down, very down... when i face time like this.
Why do i have to be so different? How can i make it better?
I do question myself a lot.
I do question my abilities to a point where i feel so stupid and wishes to give up.
But the stubborness in me, refuses to give in.
I'm fighting 2 wars within myself.
But then again, its so hard to fight back when they keep on pushing me to the ground..

Its like i try so hard but the result simply backfires into my face. Hot and Harsh.

Have i not done good enough?
Have i not prove enough?
Have i not grow enough?

For you to see that...
i'm trying so hard to be as perfect as my ability allows me.

i feel so suffocated. really i do..

Everyday, all i can do is to put a smile on and laugh as hard as i can, before my mind sets back to being a useless nobody in your eyes..
To others, i lack of nothing or rather i have everything any girl can ever ask for.
I simply have everything.

but.. there's only one thing... One thing and i'll be content.
Just that one thing..

dead and gone.